Could This Line BE Any Slower?

This little rant has a bit of history to it... but I'll get to that later.

So yesterday was pretty awesome being the only one not napping. But it got even awesomer (yeah I know that's not a word). At about 12:30AM our kids decided it was time to party. Good times. As the situation presented itself, it was easier (less screaming) to let the kids get up for a bit. So we all had a big snuggle on our bed. Our daughter has recently started this fascination with us all lining up, sitting on the couch or laying in bed, as long as we are all shoulder to shoulder she is pleased. As we were enjoying this sweet new pastime, My daughter looked at me, VERY intently...

"Ooooooo. OOOoooo. Mama!"

And before I realized what she was planning, she had her finger up my nose. Oh yes. Apparently there was something there that HAD to come out. I felt violated. And really, she comes by it honestly. My husband is always cleaning out the kids' noses.

And then today. I was in the long, slow, bank line to pay rent. Back in the mall in the ghetto, but this time I was sure to gage how close I stood to people, hardy har har. I was number 15 in line, and just as I was about to get to the front of the cattle squeeze the lady behind me strikes up a conversation. Now, let me tell you something about me. It's not that I don't like people, I just loathe small talk. I find it incredibly painful to try and talk about nothingness just to be "polite." Thankfully having small children usually get you out of situations like this because you have to chase after them OR it's just not as bad to answer questions about your kids (usually). Anyways, this is how our "chat" went:

lady behind me: "It sure would be nice to have some chairs in the lineup hey?"

me: "yeah" insert polite laughter

...2 more lines of nothing...

lady: "OH! you just have the SMALLEST nose!"

me: nervous laughter, avoiding eye contact, searching desperately for open tellers

lady: "It reminds me of my cousin's nose, just so small and cute. I was talking to her just the other day. I miss her"

me: still nervous laughter, maybe an "oh, yeah" (I mean really, what do you do?) and now trying to avoid eye contact with the guy in front of me who is trying to nonchalantly turn around to get a look at my nose... aaaaawkward.

slight pause...

lady: "Why is it so busy today?"

me: "Rent." (see, I rock at small talk)

And thankfully the lady behind her picked up the conversation until I got to run away to the next teller.

I know I know, there are people who have had things said to them by complete strangers in lineups that would shock you and this wasn't rude or anything. But like I said, there is history. Ever since highschool (maybe that's when my nose stopped growing?) I have always had people come up to me and comment on the size of my nose. Usually they touch it, or even stroke it while they make the comment... So I guess I should just be thankful this lady kept her hand to herself.

And all you funny people thinking about touching my nose the next time you see me, go ahead, but you deserve whatever you get in return. Hmmm, that almost came out like a threat, hey?



There it is, the topic of many awkward conversations...