And the Phone Call...

So my dad did call last night.

After everything my husband had relayed to me I really didn't have much to say.

Basically we see things differently. Mostly he just said everything again. My generation takes mobility for granted. Since he doesn't have a reliable car it's the same as him living across the country apparently. He has a lot of stressful things to deal with in his life, so he needs to take care of those things.

Mostly I just don't get it. I don't understand this "reality" that he lives in. I still don't think that saving up $50.00 for a bus ticket over the course of a year is asking too much. But, one man's bus ticket is another man's beer money.

So I guess now I know not to expect anything more than a short phone call every few weeks. I tried. I thought there was a different man there.

I didn't say a lot to him on the phone. I didn't get angry or bring up how I think he spends his money. I felt like there was no point. I don't want to get worked up an angry about it all. He doesn't see anything wrong or out of the ordinary of what he is doing, no amount of arguing is going to change that. I don't want to carry around anger and bitterness because family isn't his priority. I'm hurt, and I will hurt for awhile. I keep going back and forth from being "ok" with it to wanting to cry and feeling numb and confused. But mostly I have been spending a lot of time praying and reading, soaking up as much love as I can from my Lord so that bitterness can't take root through all this. I don't want this to end my relationship with my dad, whatever little bit there is there. And I'll still cling to the hope that maybe one day before his days are up, he will realize that family is worth more than what he has right now.